If you are a parent of a child who worries, this topic may already be on your mind. As a parent of worried children myself, I understand the challenge of preparing kids for the return to school. The thought of all the routines, lunch-making, school notes, and forms might not fill you with excitement. For many children, the idea of going back to school can bring a mix of emotions that feel overwhelming and hard to sort out.
It can often feel like life is a constant balancing act, especially when you’re managing the transitions and emotional ups and downs of parenting a worried child. It’s like trying to navigate through a difficult valley, making sure you don’t get overwhelmed by the challenges. Let’s talk about how to recognize these stressors and find ways to avoid getting lost in the worry. Understanding these signs and knowing how to handle them can make a big difference in helping both you and your child through these tough times.
What is Back-to-School Anxiety?
Back-to-school anxiety is the worry and stress kids often feel when it’s time to return to school after a break. It can show up in different ways, like feeling nervous, having trouble sleeping, or even physical symptoms like stomach aches and headaches. Sometimes it turns up in your child refusing to talk or discuss school. For most kids some apprehension or worry can be a normal part of growing up and learning that change and transitions are ok. For other children this becomes a much bigger problem. The bigger the transition and unknown sometimes the bigger the worries. We often see this turning up when a child or teen is changing schools due to a move, or moving into highschool from elementary school. If other big changes or stressors are happening in the home or the child’s life, they may not be able to manage school transitions as easily as they have the year before.
Signs of Back-to-School Anxiety
Back-to-school anxiety can show up in various ways. Recognizing these signs can help you support your child:
Refusing to Talk About School: Your child might avoid discussing anything related to school, including planning for September, getting new shoes, backpacks, or lunch pails. This avoidance can be a coping mechanism to delay the inevitable return to school. They might change the subject when school is mentioned or show disinterest in shopping for school supplies. This refusal to engage can be a sign that they are feeling overwhelmed and anxious about the upcoming transition.
Separation Issues: Some children may show a strong need to be close to you, struggling with the idea of being apart. This can manifest as clinginess, frequent requests for reassurance, or expressing fears about being away from you. They might want to stay close to you at home, follow you around, or resist going to activities where you won’t be present. These behaviors often stem from a fear of the unknown and the comfort they find in your presence.
Pushing Away: On the other hand, some kids might push you away as a way to prepare for the separation. This can be their method of coping with the anxiety of being away from home and family. They might become more independent, assert their need for space, or seem emotionally distant. This behavior can be confusing for parents, but it often indicates that the child is trying to manage their anxiety by mentally preparing themselves for the time apart. They might express frustration or irritation when you try to help or offer comfort, as they attempt to assert control over their feelings.
Other Signs to Watch For
Physical Complaints: Anxiety can manifest physically. Your child might complain of headaches, stomachaches, or other ailments, especially in the days leading up to the start of school. These symptoms are real and can be the body’s way of expressing stress. Meaning that they feel the stress in their body in a physical way, it isn’t just an excuse or made up complaint. It is a sign to us as parents that our children may be struggling.
Changes in Behavior: Noticeable changes in behavior, such as increased irritability, mood swings, or withdrawing from activities they usually enjoy, can be indicators of anxiety. They might also have trouble sleeping, experience changes in appetite, or show signs of restlessness. Your child may not be acting as their usually self and appear to be less flexible, more grouchy or unable to be settled as usual.
Performance Anxiety: Worrying about academic performance can lead to anxiety. Your child might express fears about not doing well in school, failing tests, or not meeting expectations. This can result in a reluctance to start schoolwork or attend school. Sometimes thinking about school work after a long break can make our children worry that they wouldn’t do as well the following year.
Regressive Behaviors/ Younger habits or behaviours: Children might show regressive behaviors, appearing more like their younger self such as bedwetting, thumb-sucking, or tantrums. These behaviors are a way for them to seek comfort and security during times of stress. This is a normal child response to stress and again alerts us that they are struggling.
Frequent Reassurance Seeking: Your child might frequently ask questions like, “Will everything be okay?” or “What if I don’t like my teacher?” or “ None of my friends will be in my class”. They might need constant reassurance that things will work out and that they are safe.
Navigating back-to-school anxiety can be challenging, but recognizing the signs and understanding your child’s behaviors are crucial first steps. From refusing to talk about school to showing regressive behaviors, your child’s actions are their way of communicating their feelings. By staying connected, offering reassurance, and seeking professional help if needed, you can support your child through this transition.
Next week, we’ll explore effective coping strategies for managing school-related anxiety. We’ll discuss practical tips and techniques to help your child feel more confident and prepared for the new school year. Stay tuned!
